Into the Breach

Whenever I undertake a new quest or area of interest, I go a bit nuts and read all I can on the subject. When facing the unknown, knowledge is the best defense and offense, right? It's a learned behavior from my dad, I think. He'd go off the deep end on these information pilgrimages. When he started brewing beer there were tons of books and articles pertaining to hops, techniques, and types of ales all over the house. When he decided to overhaul his finances, you couldn't go from one room to the other without tripping over a Dave Ramsey book.

I think this is my first book explosion that hasn't involved fiction. My pursuits usually bring me to places and things that have and will never be. But yes, I am now positively inundated in know-how. From manuals covering proper writing and editing style and techniques to books that describe the publishing industry in detail.

Holy crod, am I overwhelmed.

Not so much with the writing aspect. Somehow, I get the feeling that writing will be the easy part. Even the editing phase, which I'm starting to realize is going to take even longer than actually writing the first draft.

Don't get me wrong; editing is going to be pretty insane. I'm having trouble shutting that part of my brain long enough to actually get a draft written. As soon as I let everything off the chain, I can't help re-reading as I go, and then I'll see something that I hate or something that just begs to be changed. It ends up taking three times as long as it would if I could just let myself write. It's not like I have the expectation that my first draft is going to be any good, but I really hate leaving something in such a crappy state.

But holy hell. The publishing industry is not for the faint of heart. You have to throw yourself out there over and over against for an agent, hoping you'll find one who is 1. connected/persuasive/ skilled enough to garner interest of a publisher and 2. still passionate about your work.

And then, oh, the search for a publisher. If you're easily offended or hurt by criticism and rejection, writing may not be the profession for you. Wait a minute. I'm easily hurt by criticism and rejection! Shit, I'm doomed. THEY WILL EAT ME ALIVE.

I mean, LOL. My instinct is to withdraw, and/or (depending on how terrible my mood) passively-aggressively lash out. My defense in the past was to just not suck, though I'm not sure how effective that will be for this, considering there are stories all over the place of really amazing manuscripts being rejected by publishers for a myriad of reasons.

In seriousness, I can't imagine anyone who isn't somewhat upset by criticism and rejection, but at this point I'm just too involved now to be deterred. This is the only thing I've felt truly passionate about in my life. Before, I've done things because I thought I should, or I thought it was expected of me, etc. Writing is the only thing I do that actually brings me joy for its own sake. It's the only thing that really makes me happy and I'm going to pursue that.

I don't know. I'm at an age now where I can't afford to fart around. I'm turning twenty-five in May, and I always figured I'd be well on my way in my career and life by that time. A combination of immaturity and procrastination have interfered with that, but today's as good as any day to finally get things started. If we're going to be technical, I started actually writing sometime last week. And I started planning this profession change sometime eight months ago.

So, then! Onward into the breach, that gaping maw of the sharp and unknown!